Poem For My Enemy
I don’t think I’m the first person to do this, but I can’t remember (or find out from Google) what gave me the idea.
May your teddy bear’s eyes be chewed off by the cat
and sicked-up in your dinner unnoticed….
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When Daddy Used The SatNav
With respect and apologies to the late Alfred Noyes, author of ‘Daddy Fell Into the Pond’.
“There must be a shortcut,” said Daddy one day
“Let’s see if this app can suggest a new way.”
So he tapped the screen of its glowing display
When Daddy used the SatNav
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Cattitude
My cat just sits around all day,
She doesn’t even want to play.
And when we offer gentle kisses,
She backs away and loudly hisses….
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Scaredy Cat
I’m scared of men that have big beards
The bushy ones the most
And shiver at the thought they might
Be hiding bits of toast…
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Body Doubles
We did some work on body idioms and it got me thinking.
The patient at the doctor’s,
was feeling rather strange
So he set out all his symptoms,
their severity and range.
Though his illness might confuse you
I’ll report it faithfully
And give his words exactly
As they were told to me….
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Hippos
A Wolf’s Tale
A poem that takes pity on the three little pigs arch enemy.
Once upon a hairy tale
(Yes, I got the spelling right)
A wolf stuck plasters on his fur
And moaned about his plight.
For 5 long years he’d suffered
Since he was but a pup
From crafty pigs and girls in hoods
And now he was fed up….
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It’s said that hippopotamuses
Can weigh as much as minibuses
Despite this quite enormous size
A hippo rarely eats a pie
And though he’d eat your garden whole
He’ll pass up on a sausage roll
Just as well ‘cause on those legs
He’d never make it down to Greggs
Family Tree
‘For homework this week,’ Miss Shaw told the class,
You’ll be making a family tree
Talk to your relatives, write it all down
And return it by Monday to me
So Kelly got started with ruler and pens
Recording each adult and child
She rang aunties and uncles to check on the facts
And by Monday the work was compiled.
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The Sorry Tale
of Oliver Trott
This is the story of Oliver Trott
A vile, revolting child
Whose snacking made his mother ill
And drove his father wild
Manners for most, are simple things
Following them is easy
But what and how this creature ate
Made others feel quite queasy
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