Sally Parks ate anything

Post-it notes, bits of string

Pencil shavings and erasers

Buttons off your new school blazer

Gravel, pebbles, rocks and stones

Staplers, pens and mobile phones

Hair she pulled from Barbie dolls

Shampoo, soap and aerosols

Toilet paper off the roll

Bits of wood and lumps of coal

Chairs and tables, wardrobes too

Sellotape and tubes of glue

In school she ate a calculator

Followed by a radiator

“Get her out!” her teacher yelled

Before she swallowed him as well

Her mother said, “She’s gone too far”

As Sally polished off their car

But mother’s discontented grumbling

Was drowned by Sally’s tummy rumbling

Gripped by the need for number two’s

Sally retreated to the loo   

The noise was deafening, the odour worse

Her parents sent out for a nurse

And minutes later, sirens wailing

An ambulance parked by the railings

The paramedics kept alert

They didn’t want to be dessert

Police in tow they climbed the stair

To try and fix this sad affair

But then, without their intervention

A silence came from Sal’s digestion

The toilet flushed, the door flung wide

“It’s done!” said Sally full of pride

The nutty nosher staggered out

And standing tall she gave a shout

“My diet was most unbecoming

And sorry dad about the plumbing

I’ll lay off eating household items

Or anything that tends to frighten

I’m sorry my teacher became a snack

(It’s doubtful if we’ll get him back)

But though I know the school feels sore

He really was an awful bore

From this day I’ll follow a diet

That doesn’t cause alarm or riot

No more for me the household features

Clothing, cars or pesky teachers

Henceforth I’ll keep my range of meals

To normal things like jellied eels”