Category: Funny Poems
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The Sorry Tale of Oliver Trott
This is the story of Oliver Trott A vile, revolting child Whose snacking made his mother ill And drove his father wild Manners for most, are simple things Following them is easy But what and how this creature ate Made others feel quite queasy Tinned sardines in custard sauce Marshmallows served with gravy To watch…
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Snacking With Sally
Sally Parks ate anything Post-it notes, bits of string Pencil shavings and erasers Buttons off your new school blazer Gravel, pebbles, rocks and stones Staplers, pens and mobile phones Hair she pulled from Barbie dolls Shampoo, soap and aerosols Toilet paper off the roll Bits of wood and lumps of coal Chairs and tables, wardrobes…
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Hippos
It’s said that hippopotamuses Can weigh as much as minibuses Despite this quite enormous size A hippo rarely eats a pie And though he’d eat your garden whole He’ll pass up on a sausage roll Just as well ‘cause on those legs He’d never make it down to Greggs
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Family Tree
‘For homework this week,’ Miss Shaw told the class, You’ll be making a family tree Talk to your relatives, write it all down And return it by Monday to me So Kelly got started with ruler and pens Recording each adult and child She rang aunties and uncles to check on the facts And by…
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Eating Sweets, With My Sister In The Room – Every time
Did you just steal a sweet from me? I thought I had one more I bet you pinched a strawberry one When I went to answer the door You did it again, I know you did Just then, when I looked away There’s one less sweet and I’m sure it was you I don’t care…
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Body Doubles
We did some work on body idioms and it got me thinking. The patient at the doctor’s, was feeling rather strange So he set out all his symptoms, their severity and range. Though his illness might confuse you I’ll report it faithfully And give his words exactly As they were told to me. “I need…
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Scaredy Cat
I’m scared of men that have big beards The bushy ones the most And shiver at the thought they might Be hiding bits of toast. If I should see a magpie perched Upon my apple tree I’m terrified that something bad Will soon occur to me. The number thirteen doesn’t worry many other folk but…
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Cattitude
My cat just sits around all day, She doesn’t even want to play. And when we offer gentle kisses, She backs away and loudly hisses. Sometimes, sitting on my knee, She tries to sink her claws in me. I’ve tried and tried to make her purr, This grumpy ball of orange fur. I know it’s…
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When Daddy Used The SatNav
With respect and apologies to the late Alfred Noyes, author of ‘Daddy Fell Into the Pond’. “There must be a shortcut,” said Daddy one day “Let’s see if this app can suggest a new way.” So he tapped the screen of its glowing display When Daddy used the SatNav I thought it was strange that…
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Poem For My Enemy
I don’t think I’m the first person to do this,but I can’t remember (or find out from Google) what gave me the idea. May your teddy bear’s eyes be chewed off by the cat and sicked-up in your dinner unnoticed. May your brother draw pictures inside all your books and your parents just yawn when…