I don’t think I’m the first person to do this,but I can’t remember (or find out from Google) what gave me the idea.

May your teddy bear’s eyes be chewed off by the cat

and sicked-up in your dinner unnoticed.

May your brother draw pictures inside all your books

and your parents just yawn when you protest.

When you’re eating your lunch with a glass of cold milk

I hope you get dust up your nose

So you sneeze out the lot at incredible speed

And it ends up all over your toes.

If you head for the loo when your family’s asleep

May you tread on a hidden toy crane

And I hope that you’re told off for screaming out loud

As you hop on the landing in pain.

Let an aunty with bad breath grab hold of your face

And kiss you again and again

Just when that girl from our class that you like

Walks past with all her friends.

And I’ll tell you the reason I’m feeling this rage

So you don’t think I’m having a whine.

You borrowed my felt tips the day I was off

And you left all the lids off, you swine!