Stories and Poems by John

Tag: funny

  • Appetite

    Mr Pamplemousse spread his ample form over the chair’s cushion and gave his napkin an ostentatious flick. Casting a glance around the room, he grasped his cutlery eagerly. He could hardly believe his luck! Last week he had been reporting on the Woman’s Institute outing and lost dogs and now he was the envy of…

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  • 100 word monster stories

    Two stories I wrote as examples for pupils asked to write a story involving a monster in exactly 100 words. Victim Mr Rench, the drunken owner of ‘The Sunshine Orphan’s Home’ pushed Kacey into the attic. “I’ll be back in 20 minutes, get cleaning you brat.” Kacey looked around in despair and saw movement under…

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  • Jack Saves The Day

    A children’s story with a central character who is more than a little autobiographical! Jack was seriously annoyed. His friend Carly had texted last night to say she’d be playing ‘Alien Attacker 3’ today and he could go online to join in. Instead, his mother had announced she had to help mind the shop and…

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  • Cattitude

    My cat just sits around all day, She doesn’t even want to play. And when we offer gentle kisses, She backs away and loudly hisses. Sometimes, sitting on my knee, She tries to sink her claws in me. I’ve tried and tried to make her purr, This grumpy ball of orange fur. I know it’s…

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  • Poem For My Enemy

    I don’t think I’m the first person to do this,but I can’t remember (or find out from Google) what gave me the idea. May your teddy bear’s eyes be chewed off by the cat and sicked-up in your dinner unnoticed. May your brother draw pictures inside all your books and your parents just yawn when…

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