Funny Poems

Poem For My Enemy

I don’t think I’m the first person to do this, but I can’t remember (or find out from Google) what gave me the idea.

May your teddy bear’s eyes be chewed off by the cat

and sicked-up in your dinner unnoticed….

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When Daddy Used The SatNav

With respect and apologies to the late Alfred Noyes, author of ‘Daddy Fell Into the Pond’.

“There must be a shortcut,” said Daddy one day

“Let’s see if this app can suggest a new way.”

So he tapped the screen of its glowing display

When Daddy used the SatNav

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My cat just sits around all day,

She doesn’t even want to play.

And when we offer gentle kisses,

She backs away and loudly hisses….

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Scaredy Cat

I’m scared of men that have big beards

The bushy ones the most

And shiver at the thought they might

Be hiding bits of toast…

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Body Doubles

We did some work on body idioms and it got me thinking.

The patient at the doctor’s,

was feeling rather strange

So he set out all his symptoms,

their severity and range.

Though his illness might confuse you

I’ll report it faithfully

And give his words exactly

As they were told to me….

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A Wolf’s Tale

A poem that takes pity on the three little pigs arch enemy.

Once upon a hairy tale

(Yes, I got the spelling right)

A wolf stuck plasters on his fur

And moaned about his plight.

For 5 long years he’d suffered

Since he was but a pup

From crafty pigs and girls in hoods

And now he was fed up….

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It’s said that hippopotamuses

Can weigh as much as minibuses

Despite this quite enormous size

A hippo rarely eats a pie

And though he’d eat your garden whole

He’ll pass up on a sausage roll

Just as well ‘cause on those legs

He’d never make it down to Greggs

Family Tree

‘For homework this week,’ Miss Shaw told the class,

You’ll be making a family tree

Talk to your relatives, write it all down

And return it by Monday to me

So Kelly got started with ruler and pens

Recording each adult and child

She rang aunties and uncles to check on the facts

And by Monday the work was compiled.

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The Sorry Tale

of Oliver Trott

This is the story of Oliver Trott

A vile, revolting child

Whose snacking made his mother ill

And drove his father wild

Manners for most, are simple things

Following them is easy

But what and how this creature ate

Made others feel quite queasy

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