Author: John1968

  • The Sorry Tale of Oliver Trott

    This is the story of Oliver Trott A vile, revolting child Whose snacking made his mother ill And drove his father wild Manners for most, are simple things Following them is easy But what and how this creature ate Made others feel quite queasy Tinned sardines in custard sauce Marshmallows served with gravy To watch…

    Continue reading

  • Snacking With Sally

    Sally Parks ate anything Post-it notes, bits of string Pencil shavings and erasers Buttons off your new school blazer Gravel, pebbles, rocks and stones Staplers, pens and mobile phones Hair she pulled from Barbie dolls Shampoo, soap and aerosols Toilet paper off the roll Bits of wood and lumps of coal Chairs and tables, wardrobes…

    Continue reading

  • Hippos

    It’s said that hippopotamuses Can weigh as much as minibuses Despite this quite enormous size A hippo rarely eats a pie And though he’d eat your garden whole He’ll pass up on a sausage roll Just as well ‘cause on those legs He’d never make it down to Greggs

    Continue reading

  • Family Tree

    ‘For homework this week,’ Miss Shaw told the class, You’ll be making a family tree Talk to your relatives, write it all down And return it by Monday to me So Kelly got started with ruler and pens Recording each adult and child She rang aunties and uncles to check on the facts And by…

    Continue reading

  • Eating Sweets, With My Sister In The Room – Every time

    Did you just steal a sweet from me? I thought I had one more I bet you pinched a strawberry one When I went to answer the door You did it again, I know you did Just then, when I looked away There’s one less sweet and I’m sure it was you I don’t care…

    Continue reading

  • Social Media For Dogs

    Adults my age are sometimes asked about life before the internet. Admittedly, in my case, such questions tend to be asked by twenty something daughters who correctly assume that I will enjoy being treated like the grandfather in the Werther’s Original advert. I have a stock answer that I roll out for such occasions involving…

    Continue reading

  • Appetite

    Mr Pamplemousse spread his ample form over the chair’s cushion and gave his napkin an ostentatious flick. Casting a glance around the room, he grasped his cutlery eagerly. He could hardly believe his luck! Last week he had been reporting on the Woman’s Institute outing and lost dogs and now he was the envy of…

    Continue reading

  • The Assembly

    A story about putting on a children’s assembly. Hopefully it contains some characters that teachers and children will recognise! Miss Jennings looked at her reception class and sighed. It was their assembly for parents this afternoon and they were nowhere near ready. Mind you, she thought, they could practice for another week and they still…

    Continue reading

  • No Laughing Matter

    A story that imagines what happens when terrorists get wise. Suitable for 11+ children and adults. “Base, this is 6-4 Alpha 12. Comm  check; over.” “Loud and clear Alpha 12, what have you got?” “I.A.D. alright, ‘bout the size of a wheelie bin – looks tricky.” “Okay, keep in touch and be careful.” Be careful, be…

    Continue reading

  • The Mosque Trip

    I wish this poem wasn’t based on real events … “Me mam and dad won’t let me go,” was all the explanation he had given. And Miss Davis had just nodded and written his name, ‘Jamie Kelly’, on a list under four others. “I really want to but …” he had tried to say, but…

    Continue reading

WordPress Cookie Plugin by Real Cookie Banner