Stories and Poems by John

Tag: humorous

  • Appetite

    Mr Pamplemousse spread his ample form over the chair’s cushion and gave his napkin an ostentatious flick. Casting a glance around the room, he grasped his cutlery eagerly. He could hardly believe his luck! Last week he had been reporting on the Woman’s Institute outing and lost dogs and now he was the envy of…

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  • The Assembly

    A story about putting on a children’s assembly. Hopefully it contains some characters that teachers and children will recognise! Miss Jennings looked at her reception class and sighed. It was their assembly for parents this afternoon and they were nowhere near ready. Mind you, she thought, they could practice for another week and they still…

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  • No Laughing Matter

    A story that imagines what happens when terrorists get wise. Suitable for 11+ children and adults. “Base, this is 6-4 Alpha 12. Comm  check; over.” “Loud and clear Alpha 12, what have you got?” “I.A.D. alright, ‘bout the size of a wheelie bin – looks tricky.” “Okay, keep in touch and be careful.” Be careful, be…

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  • Castle Park Creatures

     My school, Castle Park in Kendal, has lovely grounds and I imagined what some of the animals who live there might get up to when the children go home.  It was a late summer’s evening in the grounds of Castle Park and tucked away in the long grass under a beech tree, a group of…

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  • 100 word monster stories

    Two stories I wrote as examples for pupils asked to write a story involving a monster in exactly 100 words. Victim Mr Rench, the drunken owner of ‘The Sunshine Orphan’s Home’ pushed Kacey into the attic. “I’ll be back in 20 minutes, get cleaning you brat.” Kacey looked around in despair and saw movement under…

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  • Jack Saves The Day

    A children’s story with a central character who is more than a little autobiographical! Jack was seriously annoyed. His friend Carly had texted last night to say she’d be playing ‘Alien Attacker 3’ today and he could go online to join in. Instead, his mother had announced she had to help mind the shop and…

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  • Poem For My Enemy

    I don’t think I’m the first person to do this,but I can’t remember (or find out from Google) what gave me the idea. May your teddy bear’s eyes be chewed off by the cat and sicked-up in your dinner unnoticed. May your brother draw pictures inside all your books and your parents just yawn when…

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  • A Wolf’s Tale

    A poem that takes pity on the three little pigs arch enemy. Once upon a hairy tale (Yes, I got the spelling right) A wolf stuck plasters on his fur And moaned about his plight. For 5 long years he’d suffered Since he was but a pup From crafty pigs and girls in hoods And…

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